I have alluded to mental health challenges before on the Harshe Podcast. I do, in fact, have bipolar II disorder.
My dad was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 48. I always thought my dad was copping out and using his diagnosis as a crutch.
A lazy psychiatrist confirmed my belief when he diagnosed me with bipolar disorder in 10 minutes and irresponsibly prescribed me medications that psychiatrists don’t prescribe together at the beginning of treatment. 3 weeks of zombie life later, I threw that shit in the trash and chalked my experience up to quackery.
I went about the next 18 years being intense, angry, rigid, irrational, and base-level-depressed and didn’t think much about it. I always worked hard to change for the better, to improve myself, but I couldn’t ever shake those negative personality traits that outweighed the good traits.
It wasn’t until an onslaught of life-changing experiences over a two year span (the death of two family members, a new baby and accompanying PP sleep deprivation, two big, expensive moves, etc., etc.) that I began snapping and actually did snap. Uncontrollable rage, crippling depression, daily thoughts of death, several near suicide attempts, etc. I wasn’t just ruining my life, but I was on the path to permanently ruining the lives of the 7 people who love me most if I didn’t get help. It just goes to show how little people actually reveal about themselves on social media, huh?
I finally did get help from an astounding psychiatrist 4 months ago and it’s changed my life. It’s been an up and down journey since, but I have learned a lot, changed a lot, and improved a lot. This is a journey that will always require a tremendous amount of work. Fortunately, I like to work and I like to improve myself.
Hopefully this helps some of you to know that we’re all in the trenches together, in some way or another.